Talk:Rain

Official NRC Review
To be honest, I really shouldn't be doing this now, I should probably review ''Dark Origins. ''But that story is long and is hard to read at times, and I have a few moments, so I think I should do this. Toa Roden, the author of this story, has written two extremely in-depth, well thoughout out reviews for two of my stories, and the least I can do is do a review for this.

This is a short story, 's entry for ' Shark Slave short story contest. This work, Rain, is very well written, as well as many BZP epics and, in some cases, far better. The story is presented in a series of flashbacks of Pridak's, as they reveal his origins as a slave and how he became the ruler of the Matoran Universe, as he is presented in VNT's storyline.

This entire story is very, very good. The writing is some of the best short story prose I've read on CBW, and the alternation between flashbacks and the current world is well done as well. The only flaw I can find here is there could be more description. I mean, I understand that it's meant to be a collection of Pridak's thoughts, but there should be at least a bit more description there.

Aside from that, the pacing is excellent, the story is excellent, and Pridak's character is magnificently done. Some of his lines are slightly cliched, and remind me somewhat of Teridax's in the real BIONICLE storyline, but otherwise, the protagonist is excellent; his character well thought out. Some of the most recent scenes, particularly the first time he kills, are very well done, as they gradually reveal a darker side to his character, a darker side that will manifest itself in VNT's storyline.

But neither of these are really isn't a major problem. For a short story, this is extremely well done. I would not at all be surprised if this wins the competition it was entered in to. A bit more description, and you've got a very well done BIONICLE short story here.

Also, another thing: this story fits perfectly in its format. Some epics do not fit well as epics, some story serials not as story serials. Rain fits perfectly with the short story format it's presented in. This is very, very good. A magnificent job, Toa Roden. And now, for the overall grade...

Well, the temptation to give this an A- is very strong, but that wouldn't comply exactly with the NRC reviewing standards. This is definitely better then TEG, though, and almost as good as DR or one of M1's stories. With a bit more description, (and this really isn't a major problem), this story would merit a full A. Of course, as the story continues, it will probably be ranked still higher, but for now...

Overall grade: B+ (Note that this story is still in progress, grade and review both subject to change as the story progresses).