User blog comment:Vorred/Elegy - Feedback Blog/@comment-958607-20141126012902

Once more, another great chapter. Mastery is an unusual title, especially since I can’t identify a clear way in which it relates to the story. I suppose it sort of comes into play with Vorred learning to use his powers, but it seems a bit odd nonetheless.

I would split this chapter into four key scenes: Vorred learning of his new-found powers from Berwak, the discovery of Jorag in the tree, heated romantic tension between Theran and Merall, and the battlefield. It's hard to pick a favorite scene, but the earlier half stands out to me slightly more. It feels more informative and diverse, focusing on the side characters we don't see so often and addressing the burning questions regarding Vorred's powers. I also loved this demonstration of Earth elemental powers. Really justifies the oddness of Berwak's build, and I love the visual image of the hole he creates. It opens up a whole new world of meaning, especially with Kyhae lingering on the edge, as if there were something randomly buried inside.

I also really liked the revelation of Jorag being dead in the tree. You handled the actual revelation expertly. I was going through your brickshelf account, trying to find you red Kanohi Nuva collection, so I could anticipate what kind of recolored Toa Nuva it was. When his face was actually revealed it caught me pleasantly by surprise, then made me want to kick myself afterwards. Very nicely handled. :P

I also really admire this image, where Theran is leaning forward and Merall is quite clearly checking out his toned derriere. She’s being so sly that she’s looking whilst her head is pointing in a different direction. Theran even knows this and leans forward even further to fulfil her fantasies. He even turns away from her in the next shot, allowing her a better view. This time Merall cannot help herself and, as you can see, her head turns closer to Theran’s direction. She cannot keep her eyes off of him as they gander through that field of flowers.

In way of criticism, however, I feel that this chapter marks some pretty clear deviations from how I have imagined these characters for some time, something I find a bit questionable. Most obviously is the treatment of the Merall/Theran relationship. Not in a strictly romantic sense, but on a social level. Most poignantly, I feel that Merall leaps to Tilira’s defense rather swiftly and aggressively challenging Theran over something very minor. Sure he may have put her on the spot, but I don’t feel Merall’s response seemed all that justified and I certainly don’t feel that what Theran said was enough to warrant a punch in the face. Seemed a bit drastic, which makes me wonder what purpose this serves in your overarching plans for the Merall/Theran working relationship.