Talk:Fire Spitter!

LoganWoerner Story Review: Fire Spitter!
This is my official review of Mrcrackerpants's entry for the Spring Writing Contest 2014, Fire Spitter!.

Fire Spitter! is a very short story describing a Ta-Matoran who is going to Le-Karhi for vacation, but gets caught up with a bunch of rowdy Le-Matoran. The plot is pretty straightforward; a little too much so. Short stories normally are used as a more personal way of exploring a character, or a principle, or a feeling, with a very heavy use of theme throughout. Short stories that do not have a coherent theme normally do not do very well, and this one is no exception. The story's few highlights are overshadowed by a weak plot, little characterization, and a continuing change of tense.

I like the fact that the Ta-Matoran is unfamiliar with Le-Karhi. It shows how sheltered Matoran life really is, which is a nice touch. A Ta-Matoran in a region full of Le-Matoran stands out, and I think the author briefly explored that when Imaku arrives at the Le-Karhi entrance, with curious (and mischievous) Le-Matoran calling him a "fire-spitter". I wish that Mrcrackerpants would have focused on Hollerak more as an individual, rather than making him the leader of a rowdy group of Le-Matoran, all very similar to Hollerak himself.

Another point: the story is written mostly in present-tense, which is normally not a good idea, and then the story sometimes shifts from present-tense to past-tense. Here is a piece of text from the first paragraph:

''Imaku was interested to visit Le-Karhi. He had never been to Le-Karhi his entire life, so this was a new experience to him. As he looked up, he could tell it was spring time. The trees where blooming flowers, and the grass was fresh and green. It was practically the most beautiful thing Imaku has seen in his entire life.''

This piece of text is probably the story's strength, and the story should have stayed in past-tense, but here is a paragraph from later on:

''Imaku decides it would be best to run for it, so he climbs down the tree and starts running. This was not how he wanted to spend his vacation. But the Le-Matoran where not done having fun with him yet. Jumping from branch to branch, and swinging on vines, Imaku was soon surrounded by Hollerak and his Le-Matoran friends.''

The paragraph shifts from present to past-tense; this is a major flaw, and one that needs to be fixed.

Final Verdict: The story's beginning is it's strongest point, with Imaku arriving to meet a curious group of Le-Matoran. He does well showing the sheltered life of the Matoran, but it's downhill from here. The plot is weak, Hollerak is not a very colorful character, leading a group of Matoran almost identical to him, and the story changes from past-tense to present-tens, and back again; this is the story's greatest weakness. Mrcrackerpants will need to drastically reconstruct this story to have a chance in the Spring Writing Contest. Good luck.

Score: D+

&mdash; Logan Woerner   (Blog) 17:34, February 25, 2014 (UTC)