User blog comment:DeltaStriker/'Rock Bottom' Exclusive Preview/@comment-2215631-20131211215331

Hey, Delta, nice work! I've never read a CBW fabric about Mahri Nui, so this'll be entertaining :)

The one thing that bugs me about this excerpt is this:

The navy blue waters of the Voya Nui Bay swirled aimlessly around Kyrehx’s still form as the Ga-Matoran’s keen eyes scanned the muddy sea floor that surrounded the sunken village of Mahri Nui.

The sentence would sound much better if you replaced "the Ga-Matoran's" with "her". For the best sentence, use pronouns when you refer to the same character twice, unless there are multiple characters in the same sentence. Just some advice.

This story has great potential, though, so keep it up!