User blog comment:BionicleChicken/The body count just rises/@comment-5072107-20140102120457

Well, at least one person read it. :P

I read Chapter 1 of The Sand Tribe last night, and was pleasantly surprised by what I found. It was interesting and fairly well written, though a little rough around the edges. The suspense was rather lacking at parts, and I would never had guessed it was intended to be a horror story, but the first person perspective has potential.

I would suggest adding in some descriptions; what does the city look like, what does the main character look like, etc. The story felt a little bland a parts due to a lack of this. Also, your choice of words was somewhat awkward at points. When I write I tend to go over the entire thing at least once before posting, reading some parts out loud to see if they sound right. This almost always works to catch awkward phrases, and if not the only ones left are much less obvious.

Other than that, I think you're a rather underated author. You certainly have potential, like many other unrecognized authors on the CBW. Perhaps I'll make a mention of you in my next blot post.