Talk:Heed

Rating
Hi Invee! Like with all the others, a few words at your story before I'll get to your points.

I think you had many interesting ideas put into this. Making Kalvost wealthy was a good idea, and I like how you build up suspense with some characters telling of "when she returns". That's a nice connection between my comic series and this story!

However there is something I need to comment on. While I could see what you were planning with the character's background I think it misses further explanation on some parts. It sometimes seems that the events happen very fast (like him traveling to Balfe Nui) and the actions of the Patriots seem to happen without any reason. Why did they capture him? Why did they need him? Some of these questions could've been answered.

There is only one small plot error you need to fix. Nobody outside Balfe Nui knows there are Forgotten Warriors. You can easily see this by looking at the population of the Farside Village: They didn't believe Theran and Range when they first met. If it is known the land is infested why didn't they know?

Altogether it's still a nice story. It has some elements with great potential!

Now for your final scores:

Style of writing: ( 5 / 10 )

Originality: ( 6 / 10 )

Suspense: ( 6 / 10 )

Character development: ( 4 / 10 )

Matching with the canon: Not yet, but you can quickly change that. ( 0 / 1 )

Total: ( 21 / 40 )