Talk:The Ultimate Power

Review on Prologue - Chpt. 7 (1999bug)
Well, I'm here to criticize your story! :P

Anyway, here's my review on your writing:

Right now you've only got 7 chapters done (and the prologue), so it's nowhere near done. But obviously your putting some work into it. I cannot say how much, because I'm not your personal coach. Anyway, one thing, your not as descriptive in the later chapters as you were in the beginning. It's as if you've lost some interest. Hopefully you don't have Writer's Block. (:P)

You're descriptions are okay, but could use some work. When I help you with this, I look for descriptions that need improvement, because they are important to the story. Most of them are fine, however.

I've also noticed how you switch between characters. At some points, this is very annoying, while at others it's good. You don't want to stop the story at the good part.

Also, some of your chapters are very short. Short chapters are not always good, because readers want more material. Aim for the sky. If you set goals, you can write book-size chapters. Those are what readers want. Nothing too short, and nothing so long, that they don't want to read them.

This applies to myself too, YOU'VE GOT TOO MUCH DIALOGUE! Yep. Me too. Action is best. You can't have descriptions without the action. I mean, "Pizza is good" She said gingerly., is a description, but not quite as cool as the blood oozed from the man's open chest, soaking into the grass.

Okay? Sorry if I criticized too much, M.T.! :\ I'm just showing you my opinion. I think your better than me at writing! :O  1999bug  [[User Talk:1999bug|  Talk  ]][[Special:Editcount/1999bug|  Edits! ]] 01:05, June 14, 2011 (UTC)