User blog comment:Toa Tasorin/Blog post 3: Stuff and more Stuff/@comment-25824421-20161011232109

Hello there. Yeah, I read it too, and you have the beginning of something good there.

I noticed from your pages and contributions and etc that you remind me of, well, me. A lot. Blog posts with phrases like "if anyone even reads this" and names like "Inactivity" seriously ring a bell. First, I want to encourage you. I've been on here for almost two years, and I'm still not on the level I would like to be someday. But looking back, past me probably would have held current me as a goal to reach. So, even if you don't feel like you are going anywhere, you are probably way farther along than you think.

If you want to get your stuff out there, blog posts like this are a great way to go. Also, MOC blogs will get your MOCs reviewed and will help you improve in that dimension. The Voting Center is a great way to enter the community, and once you make something you deem worthy, feel free to nominate it. Go ahead and use the boxes for news and story on the main page if you make something you want people to look at. Finally, chat (which is BACK!) is a way you can use to connect with the rest of the community and talk with people about perfectly normal things (or not, since being on this wiki pretty much automatically labels us as not normal :) )

If you are wondering why I am posting this here, I thought this might be the best place to do it, I dunno why. Maybe this next bit wil justify it.

So, for your story, there are quite a few good traits in it. You introduced the characters with full explanation and description, which is nice, tied it very closely to the end of the canon story, which is a very clever choice, and you built out the world immediately with the introduction of the raektor. I like that. Also, it was a nice choice to introduce Nisro in the way you did.

Now, the things that might need a bit of help are things that, hopefully, with a little determination (which I can see you have from here), can be fixed. Firstly, like Kralich said, there are a few typos and grammar errors, and also some breaks in the flow. Maybe read through the story out loud to try to see how nice it sounds? Second, again, maybe try to pick some definite lines of personality for the characters to follow. Contemplating how certain characters would react to certain situations might help you develop a better sense of those, and a personality or character test might help you too. Writing dialogue is my worst point, in my opinion, and all I can say is: don't (or barely) mess around with what the characters are saying. We don't speak in perfect English, they don't speak in perfect Matoran. Also remember, we don't say everything, we constantly use body language. They can too, just describe it; if they roll their eyes, or shrug, or even answer with motions instead of words (and I don't mean Nuju-level stuff here). Finally, exposition. The speed with which you were able to build the story up was great, but it is OK to use a few more words, and maybe spice things up with unanswered questions, or perhaps just some less direct wording ( I'm referring to: " I am a Toa of fire, water, and stone. And you are a Toa of lightning, water, and gravity.").

Your first paragraph, the descriptive introductory one, was probably the best. Keep working, and soon enough you'll be a master. In my opinion, the best way to improve your writing abilities is to keep writing, because the more you write, the better you will be, it just happens naturally.

Maybe look into a few of these stories to get a feel for some of the most famous stuff here on the wiki: Over Your Shoulder, On, All the Pretty Things, The Mentor's Way (there's lots of others, these are just the first few that come to mind; keep up with Featured Story to see what's happenin' nowadays).

Good luck, glad you're back.