Talk:The Voyager

Toa Roden's Official Review
Well, well... it's been so long since I've written one of these BIONICLE fan fiction reviews that I've almost forgotten how it's done. :P

Anyways, today we'll be taking a look at 's nicely-written short story, The Voyager. The details are revealed from a Matoran's perspective; the plot is simple, streamlined and effective, as a short story should be. The action opens on a trading vessel at sea during a large storm, with the Matoran on deck, terror-stricken, struggling to keep his footing. A solitary Zyglak, described as the embodiment of rejection, bitterness, and insane hatred, approaches him in an attempt to slay him as it did the Matoran's companions, but is stopped in the nick of time by an unidentified Toa of Sonics, whose species is described as the embodiment of safety and protection: 'the Voyager'. The two warriors battle, with the Toa eventually gaining the upper hand and sending the Zyglak overboard into the raging sea. The story's second half falls into thoughtful description of the voyage's end, of the mental and emotional effects of the Matoran's traumatic experience, of the symbolic details of the battle. The 'deeper meaning' of a short story is usually very important, much more so than in a novel, and it is good to see that The Voyager was written with one. All too often, aspiring writer's short stories are nothing more than summarized novels, with no redeeming value whatsoever.

So, the meaning. I don't claim to understand the author's true motives, but I can see a few of the points he's trying to make: that true heroes are rarely perfect, that villains are never evil without a cause. 'The Voyager' made a promise to the ship's now-deceased captain: he would protect the vessel, in exchange for a ride to its destination. The Matoran remembers that the Toa attempted to overcome the Zyglak almost immediately after it boarded the vessel and began slaughtering the crew (the hero was, obviously, trying his best to keep his promise), but was overpowered himself; KO-ed, to put it bluntly. In the end, he failed to keep his word, only recovering in time to save the last Matoran still alive. The Matoran further reflects on the strange fact that the Zyglak attacked alone, and did not seem to be a carrier of the flesh-eating virus common to his species. The author thus hints that the savage being may have been exiled from his tribe for this reason, fueling his already deep levels of bitterness and (possibly) depression-induced mental instability. So, he is a villain, but not simply because he 'feels like it'. As in real-life, there is always a underlying reason. The Matoran himself appears to be symbolic of the average civilian; essentially helpless in the face of danger, dependent on the true heroes, but yet he does play a crucial role towards the end of the duel. Disarmed, the Toa is wrestled to the ground, facing certain death, but the Matoran manages to return his weapon to him. Neither the true hero nor the average civilian can exist without the other; they are inseparable; each one owes their life to the other. On the whole, then, the story's story is gritty, coldly realistic, and serves to bring out the true heroism of true heroes; not supermen, just as mortal as anyone. The first responders, the firemen, the policemen, the military, the armed citizens, those who put their safety on the line to save another, those to whom civilization owes its very existence. It's an important message.

Now, in the question of dialogue... you can hardly go wrong with a single word, used twice: "Sssssleeeep..." Well done, Chicken Bond. You're right, spoken words are unnecessary to this story. This one word, spoken by the Zyglak, does, however, add a necessary element of eeriness to the whole situation. Pace and flow: superb. No work necessary. The writing itself: somewhat weak in places, but not enough to really damage the story. The author has a nice touch for portraying dark, macabre scenes, and his sense of humor, quite obvious in his other stories, comes through in an exceedingly grim fashion. The description of the Zyglak is excellent. Grammar, formatting, and spelling: very good. I only recall one spelling error in particular, in the aforesaid description of the Zyglak; 'muscly' should be 'muscular'.

In conclusion, then, I'd like to congratulate Chicken Bond on what seems to be one of his best works. Not that I'm any expert on them, having only Punishment and The Mentor's Way. But this is certainly a good piece of writing, one of the best short stories on Custom BIONICLE Wiki, and something he can feel proud of.

Again, nicely done. Toa  Roden   19:50, March 9, 2013 (UTC)

Overall Rating: B+