Talk:Swank Will Have A Fall

Rating
Hey Aljarreau!

You may have seen it already but I've decided to leave a few words before I give out the final points.

Your writing style is great! I really like how Protz and his decadent little fortress is described (well, that name does match his character, doesn't it :P) and how well you've shown him as a character. This rather short story revolves all around him so I'll judge on that. The sudden cut to him running away was nice. I enjoyed how you made him question himself - at least a little bit - before showing up his old, twisted behaviors with him wanting to see how the Vortixx gets killed.

One thing that sadly made me cut some points for you is the sudden end. I'd like to see him further progress as a character and how he eventually faces death, but one moment he's running and the other his heart is ripped out of him... that seemed like you wanted to end it in haste.

I haven't spotted any plot errors anymore, so here we go with your points!

Style of writing: ( 10 / 10 )

Originality: ( 8 / 10 )

Suspense: ( 4 / 10 )

Character development: ( 8 / 10 )

Matching with the canon: ( 1 / 1 )

Total: ( 30 / 40 )