User blog comment:FireDrag1091/February End Update 2014/@comment-2026417-20140227043725/@comment-2026417-20140228054509

Well, I have a feeling that even if Szsag was basically a god you could still probably write him into a situation that would make him a great character. It's all in how it's handled really.

As for the story, I've picked out one item that I can really see as being odd. ...Bounty Hunter who had devoted his or her life to execute those who have a pricey bounty on their head, no matter the reason...

You could change "pricey bounty on their head" to "price on their head" and it'd work just the same and flow better. Other than that, I like the prologue. It's a good start for the story, and provides a decent introduction for Szsag/Locus. Also, (I have to point this out) Locus? Has someone been watching Red vs. Blue?