User blog comment:Vorred/Patriots - Feedback Blog/@comment-958607-20130929124402

Ugh, finally back from my first week at university.... and I go back in about 5 hours. DX I will give some long-since belated feedback over the final two chapters. :P

Chapter 11 was an excellent twist. :P I was so sure that Brorag would survive, seeing as you've built him a titan form on MOCpages and as you teased the picture of him sitting up in the background of Chapter 10. Did you always plan on keeping Merall alive or did the audience's reception of her change your mind? :P I know you spray painted that Kakama a while back so I'm very curious. :P

Brorag has always struck me as an innocent, unbiased character. He always tries to keep the balance and keep the peace. With his death, I think this represents a new stage in your story, one without innocence. Without his peaceful, order-establishing voice, there isn't really anyone to tell the others to back down. I can see Theran and Merall definitely getting more violent and flawed but I'm not so sure about Range. This really changes the dynamic of the group and, seeing as you made the possibility of Merall dying the cliffhanger, I think you threw a lot of people off. :P I suspected that you wouldn't kill of Range or Brorag but, when I saw Theran had survived I realised that one of the others would be dead. :P Seeing as you put so much emphasis on Merall after the explosion, I had a sneaking suspicion that she would survive and Brorag would die, but I admit I was fooled. :P I didn't really think of Brorag. I was too worried about Merall. XD

In a sense, this also shows us how we might have taken characters for granted. :P Now that the story has been cut down to a smaller cast of six Toa, Aescela, and Nuva (Well, pretty much that size), it really shows how significant the death toll of that battle was. :P

That Infected Miru was another nice touch and represented yet another nice twist. However, there wasn't much premise towards this and it's a little strange that Nuva wouldn't have grabbed this Kanohi. Leaving it behind made him significantly weaker yet he managed to escape quite easily before everyone came to. I also think that it would be nice to see things from Nuva's perspective once in a while. We saw a glimpse of his side earlier in Patriots, but it would be very interesting to see the perspective switch to Nuva and to see how things are for him, plotting against the Toa.

The introduction of Nuva's Kanohi was both a good thing and a bad thing. I feel it came out of nowhere and I really think that he should have made an effort to retrieve it. But, then again, I'm doubtful that he intended for Tilira to show up and I don't think he intended to lose. An eye for an eye. He "damaged" Tilira with the Kanoka disk but, in turn, had to sacrifice his way of controlling the Undead. Very theatrical and dramatic... makes me wonder how far he would go for a good performance. :P

The fate of Tilira remains quite mysterious but, now that she has seemingly been changed back into the persona of the Toa of Plantlife prisoner, I can see some interesting stuff ahead, particularly as only Merall knows. It's like a girls only secret. XD

The effect of Theran returning the Kanohi to the Undead was also quite nice and it does well to humanize the character in spite of his ruthless, dominant, aggressive past. He is a flawed hero but, in that moment, he chose to do the right thing as opposed to the most tactically correct one. And, for that, I think he has earned back the audience's respect... or at least the creator of the Av-Matoran who he killed's respect. :P

The Epilogue was everything that I had hoped it would be. All of those pictures with Aescela were really well taken and the figure was positioned very nicely. :P Crooked, desperate, inquisitive. Very Aescela, but also rather like a Turaga, leaning on her staff, waiting at the village for the Toa to return with news. :P It was a nice image, though I'm very doubtful that we will see her become a Turaga. :P

I actually think that Solunus' idea could have worked... but he should have tested it first. :P I wasn't too sure what was meant there. Giving your teammates immunization to Nuva's Undead Plague could have proved invaluable so I'm not sure why he deserved to die because of it. But I can understand why you would kill him off and I'm glad that you ended the story in a way that allowed the Skakdi to be freed. :P Things turned out pretty well for him. XD He got the campsite to himself, his captors were killed, and he was given his freedom. :P That seems like a good thing, but we don't exactly know what he was imprisoned for. I have a feeling that he was wrongly imprisoned by Solunus but I think Theran should've at least checked he wasn't some kind of mass murderer before letting him walk free. XD Who knows what crimes he could've committed before being locked up. :P

Still, it was a fitting way to finish, and I'm assuming that it was perhaps only a petty crime. The Skakdi mentioned that he would be happy to play host to the Toa in future, so I'm assuming that we could see the character again in future. :P As for the prisoner guard... robot? :P I notice he was never named and never spoke. Perhaps he was being powered by Solunus somehow and, when he died, he lost power too?

As for the latter half of the Epilogue, that was very good. :D The unnamed Akaku-wearing Toa was a great narrative with lots of funny moments. "Now I have to roll him" was hilarious and probably true. My only gripe about that scene is that Bohrok are only fitted with Krana once they are brought back to their nearest Bohrok Hive or when a Bohrok Va brings them one to replace one that was lost in battle. But it seems unfair to get hung up on that because it was a wonderful little scene. :P I'm assuming that there was someone watching from the trees who witnessed the transformation and my guess is that the mystery Toa is either an Order of Mata Nui agent, or a member of some new, mysterious faction relating to Xafri. That's my guess. :P

Some wonderful images in both chapters. The closing image of the Toa rolling GloBoh away was very dramatic, all of Aescela's pictures caught my attention for their perfect posing, the death of Brorag was done very well, and the images featuring the infected Miru were all expertly done. :P I loved the uses of the color grey in your setting. The lighting made this seem like a much more darker victory than Uprising, which saw a huge death count (though most of the deceased individuals came back to life) and a lot more focus was put on the dying character: Brorag. This ended up making the scene a lot more dramatic and really did set up a lot of good stuff for the third installment. :D