Talk:Nut's Diary

Why are people so intent on asking for reviews when Act One isn't over? Just wondering.

Anyway, from what I can make of the first chapter (which isn't much) this story focuses on the maniacal plan of the mad being Gigas, who is so crazy that he wants to destroy all the universes themselves. (Apparently, he doesn't get that he'll die along with the universes.) The first, rather short, chapter details the sinking of Terra Nui as Nut watches, and a two-paragraph-long battle with Vahki-like robots. I can't write much of a review for something that's barely 300 words, but I'll try to do the best I can.

From the beginning, the story doesn't look very promising. The prologue is only two paragraphs, with an amazing lack of detail, but that's only the first couple of paragraphs, so you can't make much from that. Then we change scenes swiftly, going to a strange location which I assume is the "control center" for Terra Nui, but I can't be sure, as the author doesn't even explain the setting. Again, there is a total lack of description, which could still be good if the writing were engaging, but Nut's first-person view is choppily written, with an excess of summarizing ("So we did [check the monitors], and it was very bad") and little of anything else.

The next scene is even worse. It uses two extremely short paragraphs to summarize a long, intense battle, which is about the worst possible thing you can do. This not only violates but completely destroys the first rule of writing: "Show, don't tell." Again, a total lack of not only vivid description, but also everything else, with the sole exception of bad summarizing. It seems to me that the author was in a very big hurry to finish and get on with the next scene.

To summarize: The story is choppily written and badly paced, with a terrible excess of summarizing. (I've used that word way too much in this review.) Again, this is judging from the very beginning of a story that isn't even as long as this review, so ratings are subject to change as the story continues. I hope the ratings do change as the story goes on, too; I don't think many people will enjoy reading chapters upon chapters of a story with this kind of quality.

I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings by writing this review; you're new to writing, and when I was new, my stories weren't very good either. (See The Fairon Chronicles as an example, compared to the sequel, The Darkness Returns, which is much better written.) But you asked for critique and I gave it to you.

Overall grade: C-

Beware  The   Slicer  22:54, August 7, 2010 (UTC)