User blog comment:Vorred/Patriots - Feedback Blog/@comment-958607-20130730012012

OK, now that some people have posted their thoughts I'll give my review. :D

Overall, a very interesting mix of action, dialogue and raw emotion. A hugely successful chapter as far as I can tell, which raises more questions about Vorred and highlights the relationship between Aescela and Theran.

Firstly, I love how each other the past three chapters has started off with the principal character of the chapter in the first panel. First it was Glonor in the Prologue, then Chapter 1 brought forward the entire group (as an introduction), Chapter 2 revealed the Farside Toa/Harbringers, Chapter 3 showed Gringat and co, and the most recent installment featured Aescela. I think that this is a very nice idea as it suggests that all the chapters have a special connection, branching off of the first.

It was good to see Aescela get brought to the foreground of our attention. Thus far, I don't think any other Matoran (aside from Viretha and Sycco in Chapter 2) have had such large roles and it's good to see you bringing her problem to the general reader's attention. Thus far, I think it's been something of an inside addition between you and I with the whole Chorrum/Aescela friendship so I'm happy to see that other people can now get in on the idea. :D

Again, I loved Merall too. XD I believe her kill-count now totals 3 kills, which is more than any other Toa in your story, and that action shot of her kicking the Undead Warrior was expertly taken. :P

In regards to Vorred, I can understand what you mean. He is something of a typical character at the moment though, at the same time, he seems comedic. He follows orders, gets stabbed, and spends most of the time passed out from bloodloss. XD I would compare him to Jekkai. Both are nice guys but neither seem to really have the flare that comes with being a flawed hero. Plus, for a self MOC, he hasn't had a lot of screen-time. Still, I can't wait to find out more about this strange new power/color scheme he now has. I have a strange hunch that it has something to do with Antidermis, though you haven't given any evidence for us to believe that so I actually don't have a clue. XD Either way, I can't wait to see how this transpires.

In regards to the photography, this time it was a little more varied. Your close-ups were the best and I loved those two little panels of Aescela telling the others to wait for her, and the dialogue panels were very well done. But the frame in which all of the injured were put on the ground to rest seemed strange with them all pushed so far to the left. Still, that's just the way I see it. The chapter still works very well. :P

Additionally, I thought it was nice to see Range saving Vastara then seeing them talking together later in the background. Could this be a subtle hint that we're going to see more of them together in future? :P

Still, it appears that the focus of this chapter was undeniably placed on Aescela and, while I'm seeing quite a few people pointing out parts that they didn't like with the fight scene and spelling, I think that it is important to remember that the fight isn't the most important thing. Getting the message across that Aescela has a severe disadvantage and showing how she copes with it is an incredibly powerful image, which I think you carried out very well indeed. :P Although her conversation with Theran was short, she earns the reader's sympathy and the fact that she was sitting in the wiring of that fence was another symbolic image. She is literally restricted and caged to her village by the loss of her leg, yet she goes out and challenges herself to go that far.

As the backstory of the Undead Warriors begins to take shape and as Solunus fiddles with the Tilira once again (seriously, he's always standing next to that thing XD) I get the feeling that this chapter has been another great success. :P Keep up the strong female character development, maybe throw Brorag one of Theran's extra lines, and I'll be kept more than happy. :D