Talk:The Emerald Wraith

You gave me a review, even if it was short, on FF.net, so I'll return the favour.

First thing's first. Your tone/point of view. I see that you're trying to convey Moriv's world-weary, slightly obnoxious view of the world in third person. You've done an interesting blend of third and first person. It's not bad.

''He didn’t need them, any of them. He’ll just sneak back in and stole all of their stuff.'' - Steal, not stole. Also, a tense error. Mots of your story is in past perfect, here you've suddenly a present. I'd use "he'd just sneak..."

"Unfortunately, he couldn’t figure out...

''... hardly paid attention to them. After all, they were dead, and not worthy of any attention. Not like him, anyways. One tombstone did catch his eye however." ''- These two paragraphs. Too much telling. Gloss over these narratives a bit quicker, they were a bit too in-depth, I think.

His anger grew just think of the fallen chieftain. - Thinking*

Aspirations wandered the plains... - I think you used "aspirations" out of context here. I think you meant something like dreams, or hopes. In that case, yes, aspirations does mean something similar, but it looks awkward.

...replied the steward, hinting at an unseen grin. - Who was hinting? The steward? Or the ruler? If it was the steward, hinting is used incorrectly. Maybe "replied the steward, with the slightest grin creeping across his face." would work here.

All in all, seems like an interesting story. I'm not too familiar with your storyline, but I definitely understood this story, fully. You also seem to have some formatting errors, especially with bolds and italics. This story is pretty good, not a bad read at all. McF4rtson!!! '''TwinkieCraft is back. IP:108.180.129.44'''